She speaks. Or rather, she writes.

So I just came back from this 4 day trip to the east

Malaysia

,
and for some reason, the events that happen seemed to have thrown me into a
contemplative mode with sudden bouts of emotionalism.

 

1. My job.

 

One of the customers asked me something along the lines of “What
the fuck is a woman doing in this field” OK, not so crude, and definitely in
more flowery language than that. More importantly, he really was just making
conversation as opposed to being antagonistic.

 

But he got me thinking. What AM I doing here? It’s not cars,
it’s not bikes. It’s HEAVY EQUIPMENT. Where, the tiniest of spare parts would
not fit into my handbag. Where after meetings in offices, you might have to
take a trip to the jungle, heels and handbags be damned. Where, if your truck
gets stuck in mud, you first thank God you buy cheap heels, THEN you step in
the mud and try creating fraction for the wheels to move. Where your PR skills
mean nothing, where your practiced English becomes more of a hindrance than a
conversation starter. Where, you being female make things uncomfortable for the
men. Where, for you to be of any value, you’d have to be in the industry for at
least 10 years.

 

I really am struggling to find how I can be of contribution
here.

 

2. The meaning of life.

 

Whoaaa!~ I know. And yes, all religious people will have a
field day explaining this to me. But really, I work the corporate ladder, I
find a good man, I make good babies, I bring them up to refrain from
questionable behavior until they’re at least 18, I get sick with some illness,
I die. Some variations in there perhaps, but the beginning and end remain the
same. So what does it matter what we do in life? And for some, heaven and hell
can be answer enough why what we do in life matters, but I think this same line
of questioning will still exist for me even when I’m in heaven. (Or hell, but
hey, why jinx it)

PURPOSE. What’s the purpose of life? (And those reading,
yes, I’ve heard about the book “Purpose driven life” and I’ve even read some
parts of it. I think it’s great creative writing, and I think the guy that
wrote it has enough millions in the bank for him to see his ‘purpose’ in life)
Doesn’t quite help me find mine.

 

Sigh. Was my brain always this complicated?

 

3. Having a man.

 

Some (read: many) have commented that having a man in my
life will magically cure me of all these questions in my head. So maybe, just
maybe, the women of the yesteryears had it right. Find a man by 20, get
married, and life’s great mysteries will work itself out. Oh. And don’t get a
job, that only creates more questions, be a good girl and work the house (and
your hubby).

 

Problem is, I don’t buy into such nonsense. (And I know
those that are in love are shaking their heads and going tsk tsk on me) But
really, I want a long term solution. A man, like a roller coaster ride,
provides temporary distractions. After the 6 month deadline (some even 3 months
or less), life’s reality and queries come crashing back. Going on and searching
for another distraction is how I’ve been living life, and I probably would
continue doing so after this bout of confusion passes by.

 

But right now I worry, 5 years down the road, when my little
distractions don’t work anymore, I’ll be having the same issues, and an added flavor:
I’ll be 30 and still confused.

 

Maybe life is meant to be this way, who knows. If I’m 30 and
still confused, I’ll just take up some dangerous sport to keep the adrenaline
pumping and the questions subdued.

 

Cheerios y’all. Hope the mood is not infectious.

This time it was to Phuket! For New Years!

 

Day 1 (27 Dec 07)

Blindly stepped out of the hotel and groped around for
things to do. Found them (the things to do). The usual KL stuff on a Saturday night,
except it was in a completely different language that made no sense. At one
point DJ said something and we went ‘Wohoooooo’… and the guy next to me says “DJ
said those of you who are heartbroken raise your hands”.. Now ain’t that sad..
A bunch of people traveling together, all heartbroken! Hahahaha

Phiang na kroop, sian
no no phriii…!!!

 

Day 2- Bad corals, great people

Phi-

 

phi

 

Island

Decided to fulfill our roles as tourists and visited Phi Phi
island. Funnily enough the day was awesome not because of the place we went to,
but the people we met:

 

Marla- the British pilot suffering a mid life crisis and
dealing with it in style (6 months off work and traveling around the world)

 

Sam- the Aussie 21 year old who (thankfully) does NOT sleep
with sheeps, traveling for 5 weeks around S.E Asia

 

Sebastian- The French cum Asian wannabe who swam with the
sharks

 

And a woman from

Bangkok

,
staunch supporter of Thaksin and recommender for good seafood for dinner.

 

And then we got conned 600 Baht while getting there.

Why take pictures if
you’re not gonna share em?? Hahahaha ~ runaway model wannabe

 

Day 3- New year’s eve!

 

Beach. Sand. Fireworks. Crazy people. Near- death misses.
Lanterns in the sky. Friends.

 

And the kicker.. hitching a free 40 min ride to the hotel.

 

Best New year so far.

How it can go sooo
wrong. We’re sitting there, chilling. And we get attacked by lit lanterns gone
wayward.

Waiting for fireworks
gala

 The whole stretch of
beach was alight (firework + lanterns = pollution! Hahaha)

Day 4 (1 Jan 08)

I’m working tomorrow??!?? Hahahahaha.. Happy New Year y’all!
Cheers to growing up!